a happy and successful life
I don’t recommend moving across the country. I’ve never felt so displaced by or uncertain about a decision before. Everything is flotsam and jetsam inside. It piles out somehow. Tens of boxes stacked, congregate in the center of the living room. It always feels like the one item I need most is inside one of these boxes, but I labeled everything wrong. So to go through all of them, undoing all of the neat folding in huge sweeps feels more or less like an attack on my own possessions. “Uncomfortable” feels like the right word to sum it all up, but it sells the feeling short I guess.
We were meant to move in on the 2nd of July so the apartment could be painted. We got in on the 1st to get our keys, meet our new landlord. He has poor communication skills—or maybe a sorry memory for details—because what was intended to be a one night stay at a friend’s place in Silver Lake turned into two weeks for renovations: new appliances, tile repair, and new windows. Now we’re staying in Highland Park after news that there were more renovations to be made came to light two days before we were meant to move in. The former tenants had been living with a rotten sink, bad electrical, insufficient ceiling fans. So our apartment is just a storage space for our things and Paul and I are living out of two backpacks and a hamper. Tomorrow we move on to a third place before we can actually move in on Tuesday, the 20th. Today is the 15th.
I managed to get a job at a restaurant and worked my first shift yesterday. A friend and colleague I know and love deeply came in for dinner and I walked her to her table, smiling but feeling small. I am nothing, I thought. It’s tragic for me to feel so out of sorts, but a witch put a curse on Paul and me after we left Chicago. I’m not fabricating this. I wish you an unhappy and unsuccessful life in LA, she wrote to us. I do not like you and never have. I’m just polite. After debating the definition of the word polite several times in my head, Paul and I decided that while this was hard to read, we feel her hurt and wish her the best.
LA is beautiful and the two most dear parts of my life are here with me. What else do I need?
